Two weeks ago today, I had a miscarriage. I was 4.5 weeks along and it was what is called a “chemical pregnancy” i.e. you get a positive pregnancy test but between 4-5 weeks something happens and you essentially get your period and your cycle restarts. It is called a chemical pregnancy because it happens so early that the fetus wouldn't typically be able to be detected on an ultrasound, only chemically (i.e urine or blood test). Since it was early on, women typically do not need medical intervention. I explain this because a lot of my friends and family who I have told about it do not really know. I did not know much about it either. Which brings me to the point of this post. It is not for pity or attention, but to normalize the conversation around miscarriages or fertility issues. Or to even create a conversation, because so many of these things are not discussed or known! That is not okay. The more that people talk about these things, the less that people suffer in silence.
My acupuncturist Anne Matthews (Energy Tree Studios in Toronto) gave me the courage to write this post, as she often talks about her own experience with miscarriages along with the countless women she helps through them and other fertility issues. She helps SO MANY people, both physically and emotionally. I've been going to Anne for the past 2 and a half years and I love having her in my life! I originally went to Anne for overall wellbeing and truthfully, because I found acupuncture intriguing (even though I hate needles)! Before we started trying to conceive, I let her know it was on the horizon so she walked me through supplementation, the phases of my period, and eventually the stages of pregnancy when we did conceive! I was very lucky with Jack, I got pregnant within two months of trying and had a healthy and happy pregnancy (emphasis on the happy!!! That is so important too). I am so grateful for that. I really do believe seeing Anne in my first and third trimester helped tremendously and I would highly recommend acupuncture to others during their own pregnancy journey. After my miscarriage, I went to see Anne. I thought I was back to normal, I felt great, was sleeping better, that is until the drive to see her. I knew I was heading to a safe place and would be in good hands so the emotions started to creep on in. By creep on in, I mean I started crying like a baby while driving on the DVP (I am sure Taylor Swift's new album and listening to Untameable audiobook did not help). As soon as I saw Anne, the floodgates opened again. It felt good to let it out and she helped me put things into perspective. She made me realize I was downplaying my miscarriage because "it was early on". She reminded me that no matter when it occurs, it still sucks and is sad. She encouraged me to feel through all my emotions, be gentle with myself, and let me know that it may even bring up a lot of emotions with losing my mom. That it did. This blog post may seem like a tribute to Anne... maybe it is, maybe it isn't ha (love you Anne)! Not only is writing this an outlet for me but it is a way to pass on her wisdom and to continue the conversation. 1 in 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage. That is a lot! So let's talk about it more so women don't have to feel the shame, guilt, sadness, anger, embarrassment (the list goes on) alone.
One of the biggest benefits of having social media and the internet is that it connects people. I have been connected with women I normally would have never met. Because I talk about certain aspects of pregnancy and motherhood in my blog and Instagram, it opens the conversation and invites people in. Although my focus is food and nutrition, one of the things I get asked the most, is about pregnancy and motherhood. Questions about period cycles, ovulation, trying to conceive, pregnancy, breastfeeding, sex after birth, stitches, etc! Why? Because women crave connection when it comes to these things! We want to feel heard, we want to know that these things we go through are normal, we want to talk through it. We do not want to suffer in silence. The generations before us did not openly talk about these topics as much as we do. Although social media gets a lot of hate, it also brings so many people together!
With all of that being said, if you are reading this and you want to connect and chat, please email me at kayla@kaylakervin.ca or message me on Instagram @kaylakervin.co. No question or topic is “TMI”, ever! Bring your vulnerability, your questions, your input. 0 judgment. Promise! XO